It has been a few years. Alot has changed. I am still an artist. I am still a performance artist. Performance art has changed. When I began I felt like I was doing something so strange and off the radar. Something forgotten and ignored. I felt like a lone star. Now there are shows everywhere, performance artists everywhere, international performance art festivals everywhere. I look around in astonishment and excitement and gratitude and fear.
I felt so alone at first, I had nothing to compare myself to, and now so much skill, talent and beauty is bursting around me... I must admit it is intimidating, I feel off balance, I feel unsure of my place here now.
My daughter watches BOLT, a disney movie about a dog who has grand delusions about himself, falsely believing he has super powers, and his false beliefs crash and die through a series of extraordinary events and he realizes with devastation that he is just a regular dog, like all the others. Then he slowly begins to see the beauty of his true self as a regular dog.
In many ways, more than many, I think I had grand illusions about myself. I had a false confidence that allowed me to do superhuman feats. I look back and I am amazed at the things that I accomplished. Through a series of extraordinary events those illusions were put through the blender. I feel crushed and ground down and completely unspectacular. But I think this is a beautiful spot to be, because here is where I learn to appreciate the true beauty of my self, as an average human being.
So what are my questions now?
Where do I fit into all of this? Do I even belong in the world of performance art? What is at the heart of my explorations and blind urges? How do I more fully express and fulfill my purpose in life? How do I fully use and embrace the power that I have as an average human being? What the fuck am I doing?
There is something powerful and beautiful about transparency. It is not always appropriate. But here and now it seems important to lay it out on the table. To be honest about my not knowing. To be honest about my shortcomings and failures and my delusions. To be honest about the terrible things I feel and the brave things I imagine. Honesty seems called for right now. It seems right... so here it is... the new blog.... Inquiries into performance art.
