So I committed to spending time with myself tonight creating intentions for my art... After talking with some fellow artists last night, seeing an incredible night of performance and collecting my thoughts about it through writing I feel a longing.

I am not sure what to make of this longing, and if I should trust it, but this is what it feels like...

I desperately want to be creating more, I want to be creating more complicated pieces, I want to be creating visually beautiful pieces...

On why I don't fully trust my longing: Am I looking at other people's art and wishing mine were as likable? How can something so petty be trusted? Am I downplaying what my art is by looking over the fence with longing eyes? I know for sure that I am doing exactly what I have been SUPPOSED to be doing. It all felt very guided and perfect and I really do trust that it was exactly what I needed to do... I know that almost always there is a kind of fear or hesitance concerning doing what we are called to do, it almost always feels a bit uncomfortable... Is my longing part of that? This is me not trusting myself... this is me thinking that i do not have honorable intentions... this is me thinking that i am just an attention whore... this is me thinking that I am somehow in the wrong....

On why I do trust my longing: I trust that desire is a guide toward what we are meant to be doing... This does feel like a desire from my heart... to create beauty, to create things that truly touch people, to create things that are mysterious and innovative, and life changing and EPIC... these are not petty things to desire... these feel like they are pushing toward alignment with my purpose... I know that aligning with my purpose comes from meeting my own desires and needs which in turn benefits everyone around me... and we all deserve the best...

So after writing that I feel a strengthened trust in myself... I feel like I was mistrusting my own desires by negatively judging them and therefore judging myself... but when I honestly lay them out there, when I look more closely, these desires that appear to be petty are actually virtuous... what appears to be ugly is actually quite beautiful...

So what are my new intentions regarding art?

It always makes me a bit nervous to commit to intentions, because I know they will come to fruition, I want to make sure they are absolutely right and perfect...
This is interesting... they do need to be "right" in that I really do need to be completely quiet and listen to myself to figure out what they REALLY are, but I have discovered that they will never be just right, they will always get me to a better place and then I will need to further specify what I want, constantly tinkering my intentions bringing in more and more that will never ever be perfect... because I always need to be inspired to grow.... Maybe they will be perfect one day, when I get to Nirvana or whatevz....

So yes, intentions... what are my new intentions for my art?

I desire to be a channel for divine love in and through my art...

I desire to be aesthetically beautiful in and through my art.... *

I desire to heal in and through my art...

I desire to reveal the truth in and through my art...

I desire to be a revolution in and through my art...

I desire to embody my own power in and through my art...

I desire to have an audience I love, I desire to be surrounded by artists that excite and inspire me, I desire to be filled with energy by my artwork.

I desire to be supported by many, I desire to enliven many, I desire to have my artwork, and the artwork of those around me honored and recognized...

I desire success, love and happiness through my art...

I desire a shit ton of lofty stuff, huh? This makes me feel embarrassed and greedy and like I am asking too much... these are my shitty voices talking and I am going to ignore them and go on hoping that my suspicions are true...

I really can have whatever I want...